Monday, November 15, 2010

These Instructions are Mocking Me!

Your humble author is pretty good with technology. I've managed to make a little business out of my skills and provide for my family, even. What I'm not is handy. Not even a little. I once changed out the flush mechanism in a toilet and, drunk on my sense of accomplishment, attempted to change out another one. I had, in fact, been lucky. and a few hours into the second attempt I called a plumber. He was a nice enough guy, but dispensed with diplomacy when he told me my plumbing skills were so bad, I really ought to steer clear of garden hoses. Other failures include 6 hours attempting to install a car stereo (cost me $200 to have it removed and installed correctly), and a kitchen flooring project that stalled for 5 months at phase 1. That one cost $1,200 to correct. Point is, I really, really, suck at most tasks that require tools.
One day last spring, my darling comes home with a new gas grill. In a box. In pieces. And it's my job to assemble it. Gamely, I unpack the box and start looking through the assembly instructions. It doesn't look good from page 1. By page 6 I'm becoming concerned for my safety. By page 10, I'm becoming concerned for my neighborhood's safety. Then I land on page 12- the exploded diagram showing parts A through SS. To a guy like me, that's fiendishly complicated. Click on that picture above to see it and be sure to read that sentence at the bottom. "Estimated assembly time: 30 minutes." Are you freaking kidding me? That's not an estimate, that's a taunt and a mean spirited lie!
Eventually– very eventually- I got the thing put together and working correctly. Well I'm assuming it's working correctly only because we haven't yet experienced any property damage or injury related to use of the grill. And how long did it take me? Three hours, not counting cleanup time.

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