Sun Hats Gone Wild

Well, I'm back on the sun hat kick. As my similarly melanin-challenged friend John put it " All of my hats make me think I look somewhere between a homeless guy and an asshole who beats up homeless guys." Let's look at more of the contenders.

Here's the venerable Bucket Hat. I admit having something like this, but I've already successfully reproduced and can get away with wearing it. Fellas, if you want the ladies to know that you're genes aren't suitable for passing along to a new generation. Think of it as a public service. No suitable mate here, Miss, move along.

Remember Dumb Donald? This guy doesn't.

This one is a little unsettling. When someone comes up to you in this gear it's either "give me your wallet" or "I'm going to die of a gruesome skin ailment any minute now. If I crumple right now, please look inside my hat flap for my next-of-kin's phone number."

Our final contender is the ultra-brim. And don't let the goateed model fool you. The only guys that wear these are over 40 types who came back from the doctor with precancerous lesions on their heads. Put off buying the sun hat long enough and somebody might pick up this beauty for you.